Well, you did it. It’s me: Sam. Master of the Universe, one of the top 1% of the top 1%, the one in control of everything you know about the world.
I know, I know-- you knew that already, not really that big of a reveal. But that's the thing.
That's not the reveal.
Keep going and you'll see where the rest of my fellow Masters of the Universe and I really live.
Hope to see you on the next go-round.
On behalf of Esmail Corp, I want to apologize for putting you through this.
I tried to tell Sam to just create a Facebook page and maybe a LinkedIn account and call it a day. But he had to be all weird with this cryptic bullshit. Like season 2 of Mr. Robot, amiright?
Listen, I know you've come this far, but you should turn around and go back. You're not going to like what you see when you get... up there. Trust me on that. Just close out of this and go like things on Instagram.
Seriously, though. Leave.
yo, what up. imma vp here at esmail corp, which makes me a vip. lol.
what makes you think you can come all the way up here anyhow? oh, oh, ok, yah, sam really wanna talk to you. i mean, look atchu, bruh! where are your socks even?! i'm DEAD. lmfao.
real talk: you don't even know what's up there, do you? do you? want my advice? three words: PRAYING MANTIS vibes. i'm SCREAMING. lol.
I'm a Talking Plane With Dissociative Identity Disorder-- or TPWDID, for the layman. It's a disorder commonly found in talking planes. But enough about me, what about you? Don't you just love the air up here? It's so horrifying, don't you think?
Sorry, my personalities always have contrasting opinions, which means we agree on everything all the time.
Now, when you get up there we recommend you try on the BLUETOOTH HEADSETS, because it's just awful to put that kind of radiation next to your brain.
Good luck finding Sam! We hope you fail!
Hi there, I'm a Gorilla!
Christ on a bike. I always do this.
Obviously you can see I'm a Gorilla, you're not blind-- unless, of course you are, in which case, I'm so sorry! As you can tell, I have tremendous social anxiety which is why I hide all the way up here.
My records show you are very late to your meeting, not that there's anything wrong with that-- well, Sam will definitely hate you for it-- but there's no judgement on my end! It's just my job to tell you! So... you should go down there. And when I say down I really mean up, up, up and away! Like a PLANE-- WHAT AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT?!
I'm going to shut up now.
Welcome to Esmail Corp.
My system indicates that you have a meeting with Sam on Tuesday, Dec. 11, 2018.
Fuck, that’s today! Hurry or... Let's just say he doesn't like it when people are late.
Oh, and, um... keep your EYES open...